Friend or Foe

I tend to waver when trying to decide if I am my own best friend or enemy. I can honestly say I am more loving to myself than when I was in my twenties. Back then I was the ultimate people pleaser and put everyone ahead of me. I was someone’s wife and mother.  Back then I was a young mother raising two children and felt that to be a good mother your children came first. I thought it was fine to put myself last.

My nursing career was the beginning of me being my best friend. I chose to pursue my career after being married and a mother of two young children under the age of 5. Nursing showed me I am an intelligent independent woman. It also allowed me to be a role model for both my children showing them that you can and need to achieve your dreams. I learned putting yourself first wasn’t wrong but rather a necessary step.

In contrast, I have always struggled with being a perfectionist. If I make an error or fail to achieve a goal I can be my own best critic. At times, it takes a real effort for me to stop and look at the situation in a different perspective. I am getting better at avoiding this thinking but still occasionally backslide.

I have deemed 2014 the year of me. I am trying to put me first. I have been doing quite well since January but it still a work in progress. The one thing I have learned is that I am a strong intelligent person. I do not define myself by a role: mother, grandmother, professional. I am a combination of all of those and also much more.

At the beginning I couldn’t decide if I was my own best friend but after some reflection I know the answer is yes. What is your answer for you?

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8 Responses to Friend or Foe

  1. Oh Kathy, I can not wait for you to come visit us… I can sooooo relate to this post and want to share what helped me know that I not only want to put myself first…. I simply MUST without regret or I will disappear into the background… So looking forward to you upcoming visit this year… In answer to your question… you MUST put yourself first, it’s called “healthy selfish” so you have enough energy, to love, and help others.. Here for you anytime.. Xoxo

    • katsbynp says:

      I cannot wait to come visit! I think we have so much catching up to do. I love the phrase “healthy selfish” Thanks for your support and I am here for you as well

  2. Cathy says:

    I think we all can relate to your story, and I am glad you are putting yourself first. You demonstrated to your children the importance of not only being a good mother, but a good work ethic, showing them that being a mom doesn’t necessarily mean you can only do one thing. Good for you!

    I am also a people pleaser, and am learning through every situation, that I need to put ME first. I am trying to do that now that i”m in my fifties.

    Great subject.

    • katsbynp says:

      The best compliment and actually reconfirmation of putting me first is both of my children say I am their role model. We will meet our goal of putting ME first-it will have its bumps in the road but the bumps provide a learning experience too. Thanks for your comments

  3. dltolley says:

    I’ve always had a problem with putting myself first. Kids, Husby, pets, neighbours, strangers in Timbuktu. Yep, I’m usually dead last. My writing is what I do for me. When I’m in front of my computer, I’m first. And you know what? I like me!

  4. At any given time we are our own best friends and at others we can be our own enemy. You’re definitely right about bumps being valuable learning experiences!

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